Showing posts with label Thumbs Down. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Thumbs Down. Show all posts

950 - Liz Phair 'Whitechocolatespaceegg' (1998)

My Rating: 1.50 out of 5
1001 Albums You Must Hear Before You Die: X
Rolling Stone 500 Greatest Albums: X
The Mojo Collection: X

Chart Peak (UK/US): --/35

Favourite Tracks: Johnny Feelgood
Least-Favourite Tracks: Headache, Girls' Room, Uncle Alvarez

So 1998 was a truly vintage year for music… well at least according to the All-Time Top 1000 Albums book it was. It might have seemed a pretty ordinary year to the rest of us, but for the people who voted on this list in 1998 it must have seemed the zenith of a glorious era that saw the release of some of the greatest albums ever recorded. Yes, let’s forget ’57, ’67 or ’77 and just try to imagine the heady excitement of 1998 & what a mind-blowing experience it must have been when people first heard those masterworks by Shawn Mullins, Embrace, The Goo Goo Dolls & now, Liz Phair.

Putting the sarcasm aside, I think we’ve established by now that these types of lists are of course fundamentally flawed and results are always skewed towards the year the list was compiled. Besides, you only have to look at the winner of this year’s [2009] Nobel Peace Prize to see the bizarre results that can occur when you start letting people vote for their greatest-ever’s.

Anyway on to the album & this was the first time I’d ever heard any Liz Phair. It opens with title-track White Chocolate Space Egg which starts promisingly enough with its thudding drums, plodding bass & echoey sliding guitar. But mix in some rather aimless lyrics along with a bit of a limp chorus and the whole song starts falling flat. Unfortunately weak choruses abound on this album; Only Son, Go On Ahead, Shitloads Of Money & Fantasize all have particularly lame chorus melodies too.

As the album progresses it becomes clear that musically there’s really nothing special going on here – it’s pretty standard alt-rock guitar fare with plenty of well-worn riffs & hooks and no real surprises. The performances all feel a bit passionless too; not sure if her backing band are all session musicians but they certainly don’t have any of that intuitive feel you often find in groups who have played together for years. The one-dimensional & rather lifeless production doesn’t help matters either.

While Liz Phair was lavishly praised for the lyrics on her Exile In Guyville album (#243 in this list), I really couldn’t find anything special about the words here. First of all, it’s difficult to relate to lyrics when you have no idea what they’re on about. Take the opening lines of Big Tall Man: “I’m a big tall man / I cut the grass / My left eye hurts / I am waiting & reading parts / I can be a complicated communicator / Yes I’m winning, spinning / I feel energy being pulled off from all sides / And it feels good / Like relieving a headache”. Eh? I’m sure it’s all very personal & meaningful to Liz Phair but to me it’s little more than random wordplay.

Even the songs without such cryptic content rarely moved me & there often seemed to be a lack of emotional potency to the lyrics. Not always though; Only Son struck a much more visceral tone with lines such as “All these babies are born / Like a field full of poppies / Who’s gonna know which are torn?” Similarly, the breakup song Go On Ahead sounds a good deal more heartfelt & includes the Matt Johnson’esque “You say you’re a ghost in our house / And I realise I do think I see through you”. It’s just a shame that both songs are so feeble musically.

The album would have also benefited from some quality control. There are 16 tracks included but at least a quarter of these have ‘B-side’ written all over them & really should have been dropped. The aptly-titled Headache sounds like something that John Shuttleworth might have knocked up on his home organ during the tea break. Even worse, both Ride & Girls’ Room sound like something Phoebe is performing in the coffee shop in Friends. Seriously – have a listen if you don’t believe me:



Not quite what you expect from the 950th greatest album of all-time is it? It might have seemed like something very original in 1998, but now all the hype has died down we are left with a very ordinary collection of songs. Oh well, let’s hope this year’s Nobel Peace Prize winner lives up to the voters’ expectations a little better.


957 - Shawn Mullins 'Soul's Core' (1998)

My Rating: 1.92 out of 5
1001 Albums You Must Hear Before You Die: X
Rolling Stone 500 Greatest Albums: X
The Mojo Collection: X

Chart Peak (UK/US): 60/54

Favourite Tracks: Tannin Bed Song, Twin Rocks Oregon, Ballad Of Billy Joe McKay
Least-Favourite Tracks: Shimmer, Soul Child, And On A Rainy Night, Lullaby

Shawn Mullins is not exactly a household name. Even in the Mullins household I’ll bet some people have never heard of him. So to find one of his records in the Top 1000 means that either; (a) he released a fantastic album that never got the exposure it deserved or (b) he released a rather ordinary album that just happened to be popular when the Top 1000 was compiled. Sadly, I have to report that the answer is (b).

That’s one of the problems with getting people to vote on these lists; they often confuse the greatest with the latest. And back in 1998, when the All-Time Top 1000 book was being compiled, Shawn was the latest, Grammy-nominated, singer-songwriter riding high in the US charts, so when they asked the public to vote for the greatest album ever, Soul’s Core inevitably bagged plenty of votes. A decade later & I’d bet my house on the fact that this record wouldn’t get a sniff of the Top 1000.

For a start there seem to be two very different Shawn Mullins on this album. On one hand we have Shawn the stoner-surf-dude, a travelling troubadour knocking out an earnest set of songs on his acoustic guitar. But on tracks like Lullaby & Shimmer, we get Mullins the media product, his songs forced through a marketing mincer to create an easily-digestible slop for MTV’s toothless target audience. Why’d you let them do it Shawn? I’ll bet Lullaby sounded just fine when you busked it out the back of your VW Combi, but once the Suits got their greasy fingers on it, it became an over-produced, anthemic mess. They turned you into a chart-topping star & then they turned their backs on you once the cash registers stopped ringing & left you languishing in one-hit wonderland.

So Lullaby proved something of a double-edged sword; it was the reason why most people rushed out to buy this album, but also the reason why many of them found the other country-tinged songs such a letdown. Even at Amazon.com, the home of the ubiquitous 5-star review, you find a surprising number of disgruntled voices who “bought this CD for Lullaby” but complain that it’s the “only decent song” & the others are “boring” or “dull”. For me it’s the other way round; I think the album works best when Mullins drops the pop-hit-by-numbers formula & sticks to something a little more heartfelt & personal. He’s got a good voice with a pleasing gravelly tone & the simpler acoustic numbers like The Ballad of Billy Joe McKay or Twin Rocks, Oregon work well (in a singing-round-the-campfire kind of way).

Lyrically it wanders through familiar Tom Waits territory with semi-spoken tales of drifters, dropouts, dope & drinking. I liked the simple, wistful sentiments of tracks like Tannin Bed Song ("this Kansas life is a hard one / for a girl from Miami / just staring out at the oil fields / and that's all that I can see") but elsewhere it just gets mired in hackneyed phrases & clichés (e.g., Soul Child’s trite chorus of "Be strong / Hold on / Stay wild / Soul child"). And doesn’t it seem a little contrived to mention being stoned in at least 3 songs?

So I suppose if we were compiling a list of inconsistent, over-produced & unremarkable albums then this might be in with a shout. But since we’re talking about the 1000 greatest albums ever made, I think it’s probably high time that we moved on.


960 - Beth Orton 'Trailer Park' (1996)

My Rating: 1.55 out of 5
1001 Albums You Must Hear Before You Die: X
Rolling Stone 500 Greatest Albums: X
The Mojo Collection: X

Chart Peak (UK/US): 68/--

Favourite Tracks: She Cries Your Name, Touch Me With Your Love
Least-Favourite Tracks: Whenever, I Wish I Never Saw The Sunshine

I listen to music for a living which is usually a wonderful way to pay the mortgage, though today I spent 8 hours listening to nothing but Christmas songs. Ropey old Christmas songs; some with ruddy pan pipes. After that kind of ear-battering I thought I'd relax by listening to the next record in the all-time top 1000 list, but uh-oh, B.O... wouldn't you know it, but it's another Beth Orton album. My heart sank & my ears almost started ringing in anticipation; you see her 'Central Reservation' album featured just a short time ago (here at no. 982) & it proved a painful listen, largely on account of her excruciating vocals. Compared to that racket, I'd take another 8 hours of pan pipes anyday. But this is a different album, her debut, perhaps this one will be better?

Err, no. And here's a little audio montage to demonstrate what I mean:



Here's the problem. Beth Orton can't sing. I know, I know, there's plenty of great singers who can't hold a tune (and I like loads of them) but some voices just annoy you so much that you can no longer hear the music. For some people it's Bob Dylan or Tom Waits, Cher or Neil Young, Leonard Cohen, Morrissey, Edith Piaf, and so on. For me it appears to be Beth Orton. If you took a pancake & ironed it, then drove over it with a Sherman tank, it would still not be as flat as Beth Orton's vocals.

What makes it worse is she does her own backing vocals as well. So that means we get three Ortons simultaneously failing to hit three different, yet very flat, notes. (Why didn't the producer suggest some decent backing singers? 'Quirky' voices can sound fine with decent backing harmonies). Then there's the tone; she has this thin, reedy quality that makes her sound like a singing kazoo. And as far as emotion goes Orton doesn't really have enough control of her voice to vary the delivery, so we get the same expressionless drone whether it's an uplifting feelgood number or a sad emotional ballad. Oh & perhaps the greatest sin of all is she sounds a lot like Dido.

Having said all that, every review I've seen has nothing but praise for Orton's vocals so I realise I'm out on my own on this one. And I'll concede there are also times when her voice can work pretty well. She Cries Your Name has a really organic feel, with scratchy strings, double bass & low-key yet funky drums; it's an unusual arrangement & Orton's vocals sit comfortably in that context. The blend of acoustic elements, such as dulcimers or bouzoukis with electronic music is definitely another successful element of the album. But faced with the lush orchestral backing of a ballad like Don't Need A Reason & Orton just does not have the voice to carry it off.

As good as the music is, it all becomes rather irrelevant if the singer just sounds like a walking set of bagpipes.

969 - Tina Turner 'Private Dancer' (1984)

My Rating: 1.50 out of 5
1001 Albums You Must Hear Before You Die:
Rolling Stone 500 Greatest Albums: X
The Mojo Collection: X

Chart Peak (UK/US): 2/3

Favourite Tracks: Private Dancer, Let's Stay Together
Least-Favourite Tracks: Steel Claw, Help!

You know how some albums (usually the classic ones) transcend their own eras, never sounding outdated or unfashionable? Well, this isn't one of those. It's utterly rooted in the 1980s & rather like leg warmers or Mr T, it really isn't ageing all that well. The All-Time Top 1000 stats suggest I'm not the only one thinking that; in the 1994 list this record was voted at #25, by 1998 it had slipped to #242 & for the latest (2000) edition its rank had plummeted down to #969. And after listening to it several times I can understand why.

First of all, it really is very much of its time. Tracks like I Might Have Been Queen or Steel Claw sound like something lifted straight off the soundtrack of 80s movies like Footloose, Flashdance or Fame - you know, schmaltzy US rock with big, bland major-chord choruses. It's also a masterclass in mid-80s production values & while I've always been fond of electronic music, I think that the heavy-handed 80s way of shoe-horning drum machines, synth bass & keyboard brass stabs into MOR mainstream rock created some real horrors (does anyone really like the 'power' synth riffs on Europe's The Final Countdown or Berlin's Take My Breath Away ?)

Then there's the substance, or rather the lack of it - virtually half the tracks here are cover versions & that makes it sound like those dreadful debut albums we get these days from any old X-Factor contestant. I mean, her cover of Help! sounds like something that was knocked up by the guys who normally record backing tracks for kid's karaoke machines.

The original compositions don't fare much better either. Is anyone really moved by hackneyed lyrics like 'Prisoner of your love / Entangled in your web / Hot whispers in the night / I'm captured by your spell' ??! (from Better Be Good To Me). And once you know that What's Love Got To Do With It was originally written for Cliff Richard (by the same guy who wrote him Devil Woman) that sickeningly twee synth solo suddenly makes sense. It doesn't help that there are so many different songwriters & producers - the record sounds like a mish-mash of wildly different ideas & styles.

It's a shame as there are also fleeting glimpses of what a good album it could have been. It goes without saying that Turner's voice is a fantastic instrument & her uncharacteristically laidback approach on Mark Knopfler's Private Dancer remains a highlight of the album. And while most of the Heaven 17 collaborations would have worked better on their own records, their inventive reworking of Let's Stay Together still stands out. Of course, with over 20 million copies sold & 4 Grammy awards, I doubt that anyone involved with the album is too worried about its longterm credibility, or indeed the fact that some middle-aged nobody in England thinks it's a little bit crap. Ultimately, the fact that such an insubstantial offering achieved such enormous success perhaps says more about 80s consumerism & mass marketing than anything else.

974 - Violent Femmes 'Violent Femmes' (1982)

My Rating: 1.90 out of 5
1001 Albums You Must Hear Before You Die:
Rolling Stone 500 Greatest Albums: X
The Mojo Collection: X

Chart Peak (UK/US): --/--

Favourite Tracks: Blister in the Sun, Kiss Off, Gone Daddy Gone
Least-Favourite Tracks: Please Do Not Go, To the Kill

Well I've known a few violent femmes in my time, but I don't know much about this band. I quite like that though - listening to a record with no preconceived ideas, opinions or other baggage. I also try not to read any reviews or artist biographies until after I've heard the album for myself - just in case my puny viewpoint crumbles under the might of collective critical opinion.

For some reason, I'd imagined this group to be a good deal more sophisticated than they are - probably just because they use a french word in their bandname or they have an arty album cover. Anyway it's not what I expected. For a start, it turns out that I do know something about the band - I recognised the opening track Blister in the Sun straight away - all twangy guitars & a maddeningly catchy riff. I like the acoustic, quasi-rockabilly feel, but like so many songs with instantly infectious tunes I can also imagine tiring of it pretty quickly. (A measure of its catchiness/disposability is that burger chain Wendy's have used it for their adverts). But it's a bright start & the second track Kiss Off continues in a similar vein with more pleasing acoustic bass work & singer Gordon Gano, a cross between Lou Reed & Howard Devoto, continuing to display a certain fey charm.

The problem is as the album progresses its one-dimensional appeal begins to wane; the songwriting starts getting very ordinary, the often tuneless vocal melodies & squeaky intonations start getting irritating, the whimsical lyrics make way for the kind of 'kill the world' nonsense you can read in the margins of a thousand school roughbooks & the musical arrangements never stray far from sounding like some busking trio. (I just read here on Wikipedia that it was actually penned while they were at high school & that they used to busk the songs on street corners so that explains a lot). The album closes out with Good Feeling, a slow number that sounds like a rip-off of Lou Reed's Perfect Day to me & I was left wondering why so many people rate this album so highly. Judging by the gushing customer reviews over at Amazon.com I think I may well have felt differently if I'd been brought up in the US & I'd first heard this when I was fourteen. But I wasn't. When I finished listening to it, I took off my headphones & Avril Lavigne was playing on the radio and I hardly noticed the segue at all. Which is probably not a good thing.

982 - Beth Orton 'Central Reservation' (1999)

My Rating: 1.92 out of 5
1001 Albums You Must Hear Before You Die:
Rolling Stone 500 Greatest Albums: X
The Mojo Collection: X

Chart Peak (UK/US): 17/--

Favourite Tracks: Sweetest Decline, Central Reservation (Ben Watt Mix)
Least-Favourite Tracks: Pass In Time, Feel To Believe

According to CDNOW's review of this album Beth Orton's voice 'aches and yearns, caressing the ears like a worn, wool mitten on a winter day.' Hmmmm. I'd say her voice was more like scraping the ears with a brillo pad soaked in paint stripper. On a very cold winter day.

I was so dumbfounded when I read that review, that I wondered whether I'd actually listened to the right album. I seriously went back & played the whole thing again through a different music system. After that I concluded that it must have been just the lone ravings of a crazed mitten-fetishist, but hang on, over at Allmusic we discover that 'the focal point is Orton's evocatively soulful voice' & down at Amazon that 'she's blessed with the rich, warm voice of a true pop singer'. I mean, is it just me or do we have a serious case of the 'Emperor's New Clothes' here? Because all I could think of was what a great album this would be if it was performed by someone who could actually sing.

When Orton keeps it laidback she sounds ok, but as soon as she starts pushing her voice it really starts to grate. She has a tendency to go very flat & then hits this thin, reedy tone like one of those toy plastic saxophones that occasionally swells to a full nails-down-the-blackboard screech. Dont believe me? Listen to Couldn't Cause Me Harm or Feel To Believe & tell me that I've got it all wrong. It's a shame because both the music and lyrics are really very good. It's a mellow, organic sounding record that often reminded me of Everything But The Girl (if only Tracey Thorn was singing it). Perhaps one of the problems is that Orton's piercing vocals just sound so incongruous over such gentle music. There's some excellent arrangements too, with melancholic strings & shimmering vibraphones, but for me everything was just overshadowed by those vocals.

991 - Depeche Mode 'Speak & Spell' (1981)

My Rating: 1.45 out of 5
1001 Albums You Must Hear Before You Die: X
Rolling Stone 500 Greatest Albums: X
The Mojo Collection: X

Chart Peak (UK/US): 10/--

Favourite Tracks: New Life
Least-Favourite Tracks: I Sometimes Wish I Was Dead, What's Your Name

I must have sinned terribly in a previous life as recently I had to do some work compiling music for German toddlers - high-energy squeaky synth saccharine songs that almost drove me insane. Putting this album on, I felt my eye twitching Herbert Lom-style because it just reminded me of all that appalling pap.

I hated this album when it was originally released, not because I didn't like electronic music, but conversely because I loved electronic music. Back then I had loads of analogue synths myself & I loved the fact that you could make so many wild & exciting sounds. The versatility of the instruments seemed to inspire early electronic bands (Kraftwerk, early Human League, Throbbing Gristle, Devo, etc) towards experimentation & to subvert the traditional verse-chorus structures. Then this album arrived & electronic music was delivered to the masses as a big pink candy bunny with a bow in its hair.

The main culprit is of course Vince Clarke, a man who liked the presets on his first synth so much that he went on to use them for the next twenty-five years. From this album, through Yazoo (or 'Kazoo' as they should be called) to Erasure, Vince always plumped for the shrillest, most twee & feeble sounds that is is possible to extract from a silicon chip. Producer & Mute Records boss Daniel Miller should also hang his head in shame. After listening to this album, I went back & listened to his 1980 Silicon Teens recordings & the production & sounds are identical.

By the time I'd reached the closing track Just Can't Get Enough, I'd truly had enough. This was the third song where it 'whooshed' into a middle eight of Dave Gahan repeating the chorus over a lone drumbox. Depeche Mode became a much more interesting band after this album (i.e., once Vince had gone). If you really want to check out early 80s electronic music, I'd suggest people like Fad Gadget, Thomas Leer, etc - unless of course you're a 3 year old from Germany in which case I'd recommend this album wholeheartedly.

993 - Embrace 'The Good Will Out' (1998)

My Rating: 1.93 out of 5
1001 Albums You Must Hear Before You Die: X
Rolling Stone 500 Greatest Albums: X
The Mojo Collection: X

Chart Peak (UK/US): 1/--

Favourite Tracks: Come Back To What You Know, Higher Sights
Least-Favourite Tracks: The Good Will Out

If you took Oasis, Coldplay and the Verve and shoved them all into a giant blender (now there's an idea) the Britpop smoothie that you produced would have a distinct flavour of Embrace. Any rough edges & individuality from those bands would be mushed away & the result would be a watered-down & rather bland goo. Sorry, but I just didn't find anything to get really excited about here. So what's wrong with it? I read quite a few reviews where singer Danny McNamara got roasted for not being completely in tune, but since when has that been a problem in rock music? Singers like Bob Dylan, Neil Young, Ian Brown & Sean Ryder are hardly pitch-perfect, but for me the crucial difference between those guys & McNamara is that they sound distinctive & individual - he just sounds like some bloke from the pub.

Fronted by such a characterless singer, the songs really need to be something special, but what we get are turgid major chord progressions, rather-predictable guitar riffs & largely-forgettable lyrics. You might expect the addition of some (Verve-like) orchestration to add a rich extra dimension, but the horn & string arrangements are just so woefully uninspired - I mean, I've often heard bands that make keyboards sound like real orchestration, but this is the first time I've ever heard a group make a real orchestra sound like a keyboard. When the band finally break away from their midtempo, plod-rock formula & start rocking out (on tracks like Come Back To What You Know) they start to sound much more interesting, though sadly that's also when they start sounding like Oasis too.

I suspect that this album's inclusion in the 2000 edition of the All-Time Top 1000 had little to do with its inherent musical qualities & rather more to do with the fact that the band were fashionable round the time the votes were being compiled (1998-99). And I'd be amazed if it was still there in any future editions of the book. It's not an awful album by any means, but it is a bland one. And it's just so derivative that I'm astounded they even got a record deal. Then again, they've sold bucketloads of albums over the last decade & on Amazon UK they have an average customer review of 5 stars, so what the hell do I know?